Men, Women, Community and the Decline of it all

From time to time, more often in recent years, I think about relations between men and women. In my minds eye, I see a serious role reversal, that has been going on for generations. While this is all happening, I see our communities are no longer a source of unity, but of division. There is an all for yourself type of attitude that is destructive. So destructive that our men and women, no longer want to work together.

That is not to say, that there are no men to be found, who want education, a job and a family to provide for. I see them often but not as before. More so I see males who have an inkling, a desire to be that man. Yet they cannot find the way. I see women who are trying to do it all and somehow are losing there femininity while doing so. I do not think women should be thrown into the kitchen, like a good little housewife. That does not equal femininity to me. Women working is often the reason why households survive and prosper. As we all know it takes two incomes to make things work, and that extra income can make the difference in the children's education, or in the comfort of living.

Still there was a time when most men saw it as a responsibility, and honor to work hard, and put food on the table. When women saw it as a responsibility, and honor to make sure when their man got home from (many times) back breaking work. He had a drink, and foot soak to ease him, and a smile along with a plate of food to make him know he was appreciated, and it was all worth it.

In the case that they both worked they would take care of each other. They shared responsibilities as needed, each doing their part in the way they knew best. There was a partnership that existed, but one of the main goals for men was to be able to provide. He didn't want his wife to have to work, there is a difference between a woman who has to work to provide for the family, and one who makes a choice to. Many times women did work but in a different way.

A husband worked to provide a roof over the head of his family, and food on the table, as well as special items in the home for comfort. A wife might use her special skills. If she was a good seamstress she made clothes for others. If she cooked, she might cook for someones home or for special occasions. Whatever skill she has, that she was really good at was valuable. Her creations were items she could barter or sell. Now the family has another resource of income that is a great benefit. To have a talented wife like this meant that the husband wouldn't have to worry about certain things. His wife was more than capable of making items for his family and bartering for anything else she needed. She could also sell her skill to earn money for the household. It was a relief to have a wife who could create good products that benefited the whole family.

A woman who had a husband who was well to do and provided a good life had free time on her hands. Besides caring for family and children, she was able to do a lot of community work. Visiting and bringing extra food to those less fortunate than they. Helping the sick, counseling and listening to those with problems. Helping others to learn a new skill, creating activity groups. Encouraging those in need, even working with the local school teacher or doctor as an assistant. These were not paid positions it was called being a good neighbor/citizen. It was considered a honor and responsibility to help those who were not as fortune as she. If she did so with a good heart and grace the esteem of the whole family would be raised, thus meaning their children could marry well and so on. Even a woman of meager beginnings who was helpful and displayed the above qualities would have a chance at marrying someone who was more well off than her own family. A woman who didn't help others was not as desirable or esteemed as one who would.

Things have changed over the years, I cannot say I see everything as a positive move for our future. My mind throws thoughts around as to why we have problems now that didn't exist then. Why are our families are so out of sync.

Family structure is a big issue. Our families have been broken, through divorces, martial affairs, betrayal, dishonesty, and many times plain selfishness. When we lose family structure, if the two adults who created the family are not cooperative to each other. The children grow up in an environment with out the benefit of both parents.

Social structure is another issue. In this world we do not have the same trust for our fellow man. We do not want to work together, help each other. More time is spent trying to beat each other. Trying to have something to hold over an other's head. A reason to say "I so much better than you".

Some say that in these days you cannot trust the people around you, stranger or neighbor. Fact is people have not changed. There has always been a robber, a rapist, a murder. There has always been those who hurt children, women, there fellow man. But there has always been the good, the kind, the loving. Those who watch out for their neighbor, and those who were helpful. The difference was that those who were good and positive banned together against those who did wrong to protect the environment they loved and lived in.

Sons and daughters are not learning how to work nor are they learning responsibility. Children used to learn skills through watching their parents and participating. If you could walk you could work. You were not expected to do a job perfectly but that is why you started teaching young so that as the years progressed by the time a boy/girl was a young teen he/she could do the same work as their father/mother. By the time these children were adults they were well educated in skills they needed to survive.

Boys were taught by the men in the neighborhood/town. All a boy had to do was take an interest in something and there was a man who could teach this skill. If the boy was taught one skill growing up by his father and wanted to learn another or experiment with other things. His father would take him to someone who could teach him the skill of his choice. Even if that meant going to the next town over.

If he didn't have a father, the mother would then find a man to teach her son. Men in the neighborhood/town saw it as a social responsibility to help this child because he was lacking a father and needed a male influence. If one man couldn't give much time to the child, many men would share the responsibility of helping this male child to grown up properly. And in helping him they helped the mother, in the future she will have a good stable man, who would see after her in her old age if she didn't find a mate.

The same went for female children. Women were happy to share their skills with the young. If a girl child lost her mother the women would ban together to help. Teaching her all the necessary skills and how to care for herself properly. She cold grow up a well rounded woman who could further her education and marry.

Community was a special word. For our neighborhoods/towns to prosper, we need to have many hardworking people who will create resources, and ways to transport them and sell them. Having a healthy community of skillful people means money coming in and spreading around among the people who live there. One slacker among the community becomes a drain on all.

One man who gets drunk more than he works, leaves a hungry wife and children. He might lose his home or sell other items of worth for his drinking habit. Then the community must ban together to help them because they would not want them to go hungry and die. Where will they live if they are not provided for? What will they eat with no income. So all will take some of their own to give to this poor family, because as a community everyone knows, that together they prosper, and alone they are limited. They will then help the mother and children create an income for themselves so that they can survive.

If a mother cannot or will not care for her children, a father would find a woman or women who can. If their is no father as a community they try to persuade the mother to allow her children to be matched to a home/homes. They may live at that home or stay with their mother. But the child/children will be a help to its match family and learn skills. The payment was a job well done, a meal and encouragement. The thought is if we help these children, they will help their mother in time. They will learn valuable skills needed, and not become a drain on anyone. Thus our next generation will be capable of caring for themselves, and our community becomes stronger.

These thoughts are almost non-existent now. We live in a world in which male influence for our sons is not available. Where mothers do not teach daughters any skills. Single mother homes with no support have women who are either exhausted or who have made a career out of living on the system. The men have either run off or are not allowed to see their children. Sometimes it is because the father is a bad influence, other times it is plain anger on the woman's part. A sorry way of taking revenge. In the end the children suffer.

Yes many things have brought about this social/family decline. A few things that come to mind are.

Societies view on what a successful person is. More money vs. the quality of the person.

Human rights activists who are trying to equal out the playing field by raising up one type of person and putting down another.

Drug epidemics that have broken apart our social and family structures with addictions that consume the addict.

TV influences that no longer teach unity but how to divide and degrade others.

Social influences that come to us at all angles. You are not good enough unless you are like this, do this, have this, are that.

The Art of Creation is a dying skill. Most would rather buy an item than learn to make the item. There is less appreciation and desire to learn a skill. Why learn when you can buy.

The work force is being taken over by machines, meaning less work for the every day man and woman. Thus less opportunities for the lower - mid class to earn a income.

Have we come to far to reverse a bit? What can we do to make a difference? What do you see that has destroyed us as a family and community?